


The Umbrella Zone

by Anais_Silveas



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Crossover, F/F, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:54:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26455987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anais_Silveas/pseuds/Anais_Silveas
Summary: Seven siblings, Seven birds.What if The Hargreeves siblings, were actually the Starblaster siblings?On the twelfth hour, of the first day of October, 1989 43 women gave birth. This was unusual only in the fact that none of the women had been pregnant when the day first began. Sir Reginald Starblaster, eccentric billionaire and adventurer resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possibleHe got seven:Number One: DavenportNumber Two: MagnusNumber Three: MerleNumber Four: TaakoNumber Five: BarryNumber Six: LupNumber Seven: Lucretia
Relationships: Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), The Director | Lucretia & Maureen Miller
Kudos: 9





	The Umbrella Zone

On the Twelfth hour, of the first day of October, 1989 Forty-three women around the world gave birth. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began. Sir Reginald Starblaster, Eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible...

He Got Seven.

Davenport woke to the sound of incessant beeping, the same accursed sound that had woken him for the past four years. He unconsciously swatted the alarm clock and made to stand, hearing the cot beneath him creak, Davenport was once again faced with the reality of his enormous frame. He had been dreaming that he was still in his original form since he'd been sent on this mission. The enormous man stood with a sigh, and set about his routine. Once suited up, Davenport stepped out onto the moon's surface and walked his garbage bag to the dumpster, which had long since overflown. Davenport was in his favorite place, at his favorite time when he got the news. The Earth below had just been caught with the light from the sun, everything was turning into that beautiful white glass, and then the announcement came on his wrist.

Magnus was on a job, at least that's what he called it. Most criminals underestimate a man who looks like Magnus, they take his kindly nature and ridiculous facial hair for granted, until his knives plunge into their flesh, and his fists knock the wind out of them. He followed the robbers into the house, and found his anger level rising, these were just people, a normal family in a normal neighborhood, with a normal life, how were they supposed to defend themselves? He heard one of them, apparently a leader of some sort, shouting at the family, asking where the safe was, and he went for that guy first. It was only after they were lying unconscious, or dead, on the family's carpeted floor, and the family was cut free, that Magnus heard the news, playing on the family's television.

Merle was on the red carpet, headed to a screening he didn't want to see, and wearing the most ridiculous tuxedo he could find a designer to make. The jacket and tie were green and purple floral patterned, and his under shirt was neon pink. He wasn't wearing dress shoes, instead he sported flip flops his kids had bedazzled. Cameras flashed constantly, causing Merle to blink, but he kept smiling, until one of the journalists got bad news, and asked "Merle, Have you heard the news?" And another chimed in "when was the last time you spoke to your brothers?" And a third asked "Will you wear Valentino to the funeral?" Merle's manager quickly stepped up, and whispered the news into his ear. Merle waved at the reporters with a fake smile on his face, and rushed off

Taako easily shrugged himself off the borrowed cot he was half asleep on. He forced a smile onto his face, and walked easily down the hall, chatting idly with the other residents. He stopped at the reception window, and waved showing off the "Hello" tattoo on his right hand. The receptionist looked up disbelievingly, handed him the few belongings he'd brought in, and flipped him a gold token with a large 30 embossed on it.

"Stay sober." The receptionist said, to which Taako responded by smiling, kissing the token, and waving with his left hand, the one tattooed with "Goodbye"

It took a few minutes before Taako found a dealer willing to sell to him, but he wasn't that desperate, he knew where and how to find this shit. It also wasn't long before he was being jolted awake in the back of an ambulance, and the paramedic doing the shocking high fived the junkie, and turned to the small tv they'd set up, which is where Taako saw the report.

Lucretia had been practicing. She'd been practicing and practicing non-stop, she had bled her violin skills dry, until all she could do was absentmindedly play Frère Jacques and stare at the curtains. The lights in the theater had shut off a few minutes before, and she was walking home, past a pawnshop when it caught her eye: Sir Reginald Starblaster, Dead of a Heart Attack. A single word escaped Lucretia's lips when she saw that, and it came unbidden: "Dad" she said, shocked.

Lucretia was the last to arrive. She stepped into the enormous house, questioning whether she should even be there. She stepped forward into the foyer, and looked to her right, where she saw their mother in the den. The siblings' mother was a beautiful woman, she had dark skin and piercing white eyes, and Her hair was the same color, although she looked barely 30. She sat alone in the den, and when Lucretia tried to get her attention, she never responded. Merle did, however, and walked down their grand staircase, saying "Lucretia? I'm glad to see you."

Lucretia smiled sadly, and gave the shorter man a hug, admiring his fashion sense. Just then, Magnus burst into the room, and made to head upstairs, but looked at Lucretia with a conflicted expression, saying "Are you sure you should be here? After... you know, everything you wrote?"

"Are you really gonna bring that up now, Maggie?" Merle asked scathingly, before continuing with "Way to dress for a funeral by the way."

"At least I'm wearing black," Magnus responded, and he was... but it was black kevlar, and certainly not clothes of mourning.

"You know what, maybe he's right, and I should-" Lucretia started, before Merle cut her off, saying "Forget about Him, I'm glad you're here."

Magnus walked upstairs to their father's bedroom, where he found Davenport, checking the windows. He was surprised to find that the man was so big, when he had last seen Davenport, he was still very short, maybe five feet even, but now...

"I can save you some time, They're all locked, no signs of forced entry, no struggle, nothing out of the ordinary." Magnus said, leaning against the wall

Davenport turned from his position, to face Magnus, who replied with "Oh, Davenport, you got big... what's the secret? Protein shakes? Low carbs?"

"What do you want?" Davenport asked

Magnus pulled a sheaf of papers from his pocket, and held it out, saying "The autopsy report," but pulled it back when Davenport reached for it. The taller man grabbed it out of Magnus's hand, asking "and you have this why?"

"Well, that's because I broke into the coroner's office, and surprise, surprise: Dad's death was normal. Just boring old heart failure."

"Yeah, so?"

"So, why are you in here, checking all the windows?

"Were you the first on the scene?"

"Angus found him"

"Yeah, I talked to Angus. He said he couldn't find Dad's monocle."

"And your point being?"

"Can you think of a single time dad wasn't wearing that monocle? No, which means someone took it, which means there was a chance he wasn't alone when he died."

"There is no Mystery here, nothing to avenge, nothing to solve, nothing like that. It's just a sad old man, who kicked it in a big, empty house. Just like he deserved."

"You should leave." Davenport said pointedly, looking at the door

"Whatever you say, brother." Magnus replied, rolling his eyes

Lucretia stepped carefully into the den, walking unconsciously towards a bookshelf. She pulled a hardcover from the shelf hesitantly, and looked at it's cover page, where she had written, "Dad, I figured why not? -Lucretia"

A young boy's voice spoke up behind her, saying "Welcome home, Miss Lucretia."

Lucretia turned to find a ten year old boy standing at the doorway, his skin was dark, and his hair curled in small ringlets. He wore a soft looking plaid vest and and periwinkle trousers, topped with a rugged corduroy newsie cap.

"Angus." Lucretia greeted

"It's so good to see you ma'am, oh... your autobiography." Angus replied upon seeing what she held

"Do you... um, do you know if he ever read it?"

"Not... not to my knowledge ma'am."

Lucretia shook her head, and returned the book to it's place before joining Angus in the center of the room, and looking to the painting over the fireplace, a painting of their fifth sibling.

"How long has Barry been missing, Angus?"

"Sixteen years, four months, and fourteen days, Your father insisted I keep track."

"You know what's stupid? I always used to leave the lights on for him. I was scared that he would come back, that it would be late, and the house would be dark, and he wouldn't be able to find us, so he'd leave again. So every night, I would make a little snack, and make sure all the lights were on."

"I remember your snacks, Miss Lucretia! I almost stepped in some of those grilled cheese sandwiches... it's almost as if Mr. Barry didn't know he was lactose intolerant."

Angus sighed for a moment before continuing, saying "Your father always believed Barry was still out there somewhere. He never lost hope."

"Yeah, look where that got him."

Upstairs, Merle carefully slid open the door to their Father's study, he remembered a time, seemingly a lifetime ago, that he and his siblings had wanted to say goodnight to their father, something a family would do, should do, but he had never looked up from his writing, never acknowledged them, or their mother, even after they were shooed away, and Merle's dissatisfaction made known.

The well-dressed man stepped further into the study, only to hear A familiar voice, and the clattering of desk drawers

"Where's the cash, dad?" Taako was muttering behind Starblaster's desk

"Taako? What're you doin in here?" Merle asked politely, walking around the desk

Taako's head darted up, noticing his brother's presence too late

"Oh, Merle! Is that you? Wow, you look... good." He said, throwing himself into the high backed desk chair, and continuing "I was actually hoping to see you! I wanted to get your autograph, you know, to add to my collection."

Merle cocked a suspicious eyebrow, and pointed towards the plastic band on Taako's wrist

"Just outta rehab?" He asked

"No! No, no, no. I'm done, done with all that, Taako's good out here in the real world... I just came down here to prove to myself that the old man was really dead, and he really, really is, he's dead, hooray! And you know how I know? If he wasn't, not one of us would be able to set foot in this room. He was always in here, almost our whole childhood, plotting his... next torment, right? 

Remember how he used to look at us?! That scowl? Thank Christ he wasn't our real father, so we couldn't inherit thos cold, dead eyes."

Taako held his eyelids open, and screeched at Merle, getting out "Number Threeee," before Merle chuckled, and Davenport interjected, saying "Get out of his chair."

Taako stood up, instantly uncomfortable with Davenport's energy, and attempted to save dace by saying "Wow, Davenport... you uh... really filled out over the years, huh?"

"Taako-"

"Ah, save the lecture, I was already leaving."

Davenport caught the slender man by his arm on the way towards the door, and said "drop it."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, Bubbeleh."

"Do it. Now."

Taako sighed dramatically, wondering how far he was willing to push this, before casually opening his coat and letting the many pockets fall open, and drop the several gold plated ash trays fall to the ground, as well as a silver pendant, and somehow a very expensive looking spatula. Davenport nodded, and Taako showed himself out, making sure to examine his true prize - a shiny looking box, inlaid with pearl - out of eyesight of everyone.

Still inside the study, Davenport crosses the room, to stand on the other side of the desk as Merle.

"So... Taako is still Taako, in case you were wondering." He says

Merle chuckles slightly before saying "You know, strangely, I find it comforting after all these years."

"Did you see Magnus?"

"In his stupid outfit?"

"Oh, I know... do you think he wears that thing in the bathroom?"

"Like in the shower?"

"Yeah."

"Yes, absolutely. Paranoid safety fanatic."

"I wasn't sure you'd come, Merle."

"I wasn't either... dear old dad wasn't the kindest."

"How are you doing? How're Mavis and Mookie?"

"Doin' great actually... spend more time with their mother than Me, but... makes sense I suppose, what with my... jetsetting Hollywood life... sorry, You've been gone, up on the moon, I'm sure you don't need to hear about my troubles."

"Couldn't you uh... do your rumor thing? Ask for your kids more often?"

"I don't uh... I don't do that anymore... not to family. Part 'a what ruined our marriage... ask for more truth than you can take, and you start to realize it was your own fuck ups that were hurting everyone. If I ever had any regrets... it would be that last shouting match... but ya live and ya learn, we're better off apart anyhow... just miss my kids."

A few hours later the siblings, sans Barry and Lup, were sitting in the den, far enough apart to avoid conversation, or more likely confrontation, and Davenport stood from his seat, saying "I guess we should get this started... I figured we could have a sort of memorial service, outside in the courtyard at sundown, say a few words at Dad's favorite spot."

"Dad had a favorite spot?" Merle asked gruffly, sipping on a glass of wine larger than his head

"Yeah, you know, under the oak tree? We used to sit out there all the time, you guys never did that?"

Taako walked over from the bar, unlit cigarette dangling between his fingers, and asked "Will there be refreshments? Tea? Scones? Cucumber sandwiches always hit the spot."

"What? No, and get rid of that, dad never allowed smoking in here." Davenport said

"It's for dramatic effect, Davey-boy, it is... how you say? A metaphor."

"Are those my platforms?" Merle asked, staring at the vinyl boots Taako wore

"What! Oh, these yeah, they're a little dated, I know, but they're very fashionable, and I like the color"

"Listen up, there are still some important things we need to discuss, alright?" Davenport said

"Like what?" Magnus asked from across the room

"Like the way he died." Davenport responded

"And here we go."

"I don't understand, I thought they said it was a heart attack." Lucretia said, the first words she'd spoken in this meeting

"According to the coroner." Came Davenport's retort

"Well wouldn't they know?"

"Theoretically."

"Theoretically?"

"Well, I'm just saying, something at the very least happened. The last time I talked to dad, he sounded strange."

"Ohhh! Quelle Suprise!" Taako offered

"Wait, strange how? Merle asked

"He was on edge, told me to be careful who I trust." Davenport answered

"Davenport, he was a paranoid bitter old man, who was losing what was left of his marbles."

"No. He must've known something was going to happen..." Davenport directed his gaze to Taako, and continued with "look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to dad."

Taako pointed towards himself, shocked, while Merle scoffed

"Look, I can't just calld dear old papa in the afterlife, and be like 'hey dad, can you take a break from sipping martinis with Michel Gerard, and take a call real quick?'"

"Since when? That's your thing."

"I'm not... in the right frame of mind."

"You're high?" Merle asked

"YEAH! Yeah, I mean, how are you not, darling? Listening to this nonsense."

"Well sober up, this is important. And there's also the problem of the missing monocle." Davenport said 

"Who cares about a stupid monocle?" Magnus growled

"Exactly. It's worthless. So whoever's took it, I think it was personal. Someone who was close to him. Someone with a grudge."

"Where are going with this?" Asked Taako

"Isn't it obvious? He thinks one of us killed dad." Magnus answered 

Davenport's silence was enough confirmation for the rest of them, who made their confusion and hurt obvious as they left.

_**Seventeen years ago** _

A news report outlines the mission succinctly: A group of thieves have taken hostages inside of central bank, on main street. No demands have been communicated, but rumors have been spread about a group of six children being let into the bank... more on this as soon as we learn it.

The leader of this group of criminals commanded his forces with fear, and threatened a hostage negotiator over a walkie talkie, all the while a young man followed him casually. Once finished shouting, the leader looked down at this young gentleman, wearing a school uniform, and ordered him to join the other hostages. Merle had different ideas, and politely suggested that this gentleman shoot his friend in the foot.

Meanwhile Davenpoet crashed through the roof, knocking one of the criminals unconscious, and threw him through the front window. Magnus also burst through from the hallway, shouted "guns are for sissies, really men throw hatchets!" And threw his sharpest axe, curving it in midair into the torso of an armed robber. At that point, the leader had realized he had no idea what he was dealing with, and stepped on top of the teller counter in an effort to gain the upper hand, what he also didn't realize was that Barry was there too. The young man blinked into a space on the counter sitting with his legs crossed and taunted the criminal, only to blink away, and behind him, as he fired a bullet, somehow managing to replace the weapon with a "really badass stapler" as Barry put it. Once he was taken care of, the siblings let their only superpowered sister into the vault, where more men were supposedly hiding. Lup grinned cautiously before stepping through the door and closing it behind her. For a moment, the only thing anyone could see through the frosted glass was bursts of flame, and black ash, but after a moment, Lup stepped back out, covered in that same ash, and smelling like burned meat. As the six children came out of the bank, celebrating a victory, Lucretia was with their father, asking "why can't I go play with the others?"

"We've been through this before, Number Seven. You simply aren't special." Starblaster replied

_**Now** _

In the present, Taako was threatening an urn.

"Now listen here, old man. If I was murdered, and one of my children could summon the dead, I might think about... oh, I don't know... Manifesting! Do the big angry ghost lecture, tell whodunnit, and find eternal peace."

After several minutes of silence, and some brooding by the living man, Taako angrily scoffed, reaching around their Father's urn for a bottle of malbec. Feeling too trashy to care, the pseudo-psychic took a swig straight from the bottle, and shouted "You always were a stubborn bastard!"

Upstairs, Merle was solemnly going through his childhood room, and Davenport was flipping through records. Taako had taken his drug habit to the kitchen in the basement. Magnus was twirling a hatchet around his finger, and Lucretia was wandering, lost. After some searching, Davenport found an appropriate album, and placed it lightly on the record player in his room. One by one, each of the sibling began to dance, awkwardly, and hilariously and of course together, although they didn't know that.


End file.
